Race, politics and institutional practices that can lead people to act in a discriminatory way...without even knowing it.

“I hope now that Abbott has apologised we can move back to the real discussion about race and equality that the Stephen Lawrence case initiated; about the institutional practices that can lead people to act in a discriminatory way without even knowing it; about why in so many organisations there are so few senior black staff; about why their black staff don't stay; and why they remain the lowest paid.” – Simon Woolley, Director of Operation Black Vote, writing in the Guardian Comment is Free on Jan 5^th, 2012.

I was a well known broadcaster's first Black Assistant News Editor.  I can tell you why I didn’t stay.  

My freelance shifts were ended after I posted a note on my personal Facebook page about the apathy I felt after working there for five years.  It is true that when a door closes, somewhere the Great One opens a window.  I didn’t know that being ‘sacked’ would be the best thing to happen to me, yet.

Because spending five years trying to assimilate into a workplace culture that does not account for or relate to my own was emotionally and spiritually draining. 

It was really small things like learning not to say hello to senior colleagues if I saw them in the street outside work - because they would purposefully and overtly avert their gaze as they walked past - but totally okay for them to 'nick a biscuit' at teatime.  Or learning to let overtly patronising verbal abuse and intimidation completely wash over my head without affecting my performance.  Or missing out on team bonding because it wasn't part of my family culture to drink in a pub for recreation.

Looking back at this post before publishing it, it is hard to believe that there were good times.  There were many.  Times when I was so euphorically high from the day's achievements that I loved my job.  And the people, with all their passive-aggressive complexities.

In the immediate aftermath that followed the publication [hitting publish on my personal FB page] of the note, I was so afraid of what would happen to me after airing internal dirty laundry – externally.  Without a doubt I would be 'sacked' (in a sense, but as I was a freelancer - not quite), but after the turmoil of injustice that I felt inside, I felt that the latter was worse.

Here is the Facebook note I posted:

My sense of career direction has been slain. Whodunnit?

 Wednesday, 18 May 2011 at 15:44

 In 2003, I made the decision to try to become a news reader.  I completed the NCTJ training and was accepted onto the second year of a Journalism degree.  During that degree, I was the only one of my peers to have work experience in a mainstream national newsroom and the first to have a permanent job there in 2005.

In 2007, I was chosen as a [well known broadcaster] trainee and the first Black candidate to take up [well known broadcaster]’s newly formed role of Assistant News Editor.  I was trained to be a multi-tasker and operate across many functions of the newsroom.  Great achievement.

So, four years later – I am a freelancer in the newsroom; working on the syndication arm that sells footage to foreign clients; married with two children and have ceased all efforts to push forward to my aforementioned dream.  Why the spanner in the works?

I dropped out of the Assistant News Editor rat race when I went on maternity leave with my second child in 2009, which helped to put things into perspective.  Before I left, I had sought support from editorial managers saying that I felt I was being pigeonholed and wanted the chance to be a News Editor.

One [white] chief told me that I should come in and volunteer to work on my days off [after four years of being at beck and call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week].  Another [white chief] told me that I wasn’t ready.  This, from an organisation whose [white] editorial deputy was promoted to a £40k position before he was 25; and whose [white]regional editor is even younger than her predecessor was. 

Every time I went to lunch with other [black] colleagues, the conversation was consigned to sharing experiences of being undermined, overlooked and unappreciated; finished with the words “I hate it, here.”

When my former boss decided to have the airhead [white] freelancer babysit the News Editor’s chair one Boxing day, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I remember storming into his office and being fed a line about it not being a big deal.  So, while on maternity leave, I took voluntary redundancy from my staff position; applying on the last possible day before the application period closed.

Why did I not achieve my editorial dream? My fingers are pointing firmly at the apathy directed at Black women in the [well known broadcaster] newsroom.  With career progression reserved for non-black candidates or those who are cosy with the bosses, I have become consigned to purgatory in a no-go environment.

In the place where I have heard a [white] senior editor murder (at the curl of a tongue) presenter [name removed]'s chances of being held there as a respected newsreader; all it takes is the dreaded words said out loud: “She’s rubbish!”

But I also point the finger at myself.  For being such a wimp.  Black women before me have long known that they have to work twice as hard to get where they want to go.  But now, I don’t want to strive in an environment where no-one believes that I can do it.  I think Alicia Keys once said something similar.

Now some idiot LSE psychologist decides to declare it science that as a Black woman I am less attractive than counterparts of other races – and immediately every other woman who has adopted escapism in the face of adversity is justified.

I guess I just have to wait until there are heads of media organisations that are prepared to take the camaraderie out of progression in the media and actually support all staff of all races – equally.

DD

There were mixed reactions; most of the Black members of staff congratulated me and felt a sense of relief that someone had said something that desperately needed to be said.

A few of my white colleagues wondered why senior management was making a fuss – as I had only spoken the truth.  But the majority (white and asian) said nothing to me at all.  In fact, I got the distinct sense that I had betrayed a team that I never really felt a part of. 

A senior [white]colleague sent me a private message saying that I should take the note down as I would never be offered shifts again by [well known broadcaster], or any other media outlet – because I had spoken out against the bosses.

Another [white] colleague called my note a ‘suicidal rant’. I couldn’t figure out if this was a disdainful comment although I was hurt because I didn’t have support from people who I had grown fond of – but didn’t seem to feel the same about me. 

News is a competitive business and loads of people at [well known broadcaster] – black, white and asian – were passed over for jobs, every day.  Yes, but it was only the white and asian people that subsequently got the jobs (or a mitigating alternative like acting up) eventually.

I got telephone calls from friends in the public arena who told me that I had made a mistake and that there were more diplomatic ways of making a point.  Apparently my approach was not one of them.

My decision to publish was a spontaneous, arguably ineffective, one but I felt a bit let down that I was being persecuted for telling the truth.  If it was wrong to talk about it, why was it okay that it was happening to me?  I wondered if Rosa Parks ever regretted complying with the spontaneous feeling to sit in the 'whites only' section of that segregated bus.

I was summoned into a senior manager’s office a few times to explain myself.  And although I felt distinctly on my own, I grabbed the opportunities to speak frankly.

ME: “I don’t consider myself to be an Afrocentric person focussed on life through a race perspective, but unfortunately the race perspective has been forced upon me.”

Senior Manager: "I wish that we could have had this conversation internally.  We still have things to achieve on diversity but we are taking steps to progress. We seem to have many Asian members of staff but not as many Black.  Why do you think that is?"

ME: "Asian members of staff are received better.  That is not the case for Black members of staff." (What I wanted to add here was that Asians were being used [consciously or subconsciously] by a section of white society to fulfil equality quotas; therefore avoiding the requirement to engage with or progress Black members of staff into senior positions.  Unfortunately, this can be seen as a ‘divide and conquer’ approach to the BME work populace.)

One could be forgiven for thinking that the grouping together of all minorities during the formulation of equality policy was done in that way for that very reason.

The impact of the Facebook note was made worse when former Black colleagues who were still my Facebook friends added comments about how their ‘nightmare’ experiences at [well known broadcaster] affected them. 

One friend made references to specific journalists – who were livid at the picture that was painted of them.  A well known correspondent scolded me for a good ten minutes; I felt this was unfair as I didn’t make the comments or a reference to them specifically.  But I also felt that if one doesn’t want people to think one is a heartless, stuck-up person then one shouldn't be a heartless, stuck-up person to anybody else.

As I sat back at my desk, I noticed the internal relations machine whirr into action.  The communications department posted an article on the [well known broadcaster]'s intranet written by a Black junior member of staff about how much she enjoyed the latest diversity activity day.

A few weeks later, I noticed a distinct lack of shifts in my calendar. I called the freelance coordinator who fumbled an indistinct sentence. Shortly after, the senior manager called me at home to say that I would no longer be called for shifts because

‘it was obvious that I had a problem with working there; I'd caused tension in the newsroom and there were loads of other potential candidates who think [well known broadcaster] is the dog’s bollocks’.

Friends asked what I would do for money, with two young children and a household to support.  I hadn’t thought that far ahead.

I am sure that there are many mitigating reasons for the nature of that newsroom; it is a highly stressful environment.  But in possible answer to the questions posed by Simon Woolley above: -  institutional racism is not defeated; it still bubbles healthily underneath superficial blankets of political correctness.

It is true that there is only one race - a human one.  It is the imperfection of man that chooses to demarcate attributes by the skin colour characteristics of that race. While failing to realise that the only factor that truly defines us are our experiences.  Those human experiences of a certain upbringing, education, lifestyle, trauma or tragedy.

Sadly, my experience was that I was not even given a chance to suceed [or fail] first before being written off.

The only thing that I regret was publishing the name of the presenter who was called 'rubbish' and without telling her first that I was going to do it.  She is a warm and talented person who always had time for me.  Our friendship ended after that.  For that, I am sorry.

But thankfully, I am now doing a job that I enjoy and feel that I now have a wealth of prospects ahead of me. 

And I wouldn’t wish [well known broadcaster] on anyone.